Rejoicing In The Remembering!! part 1

today is the day......today is the day of so many lasts......yet the day of so many firsts!! today is 5 years since we heard our last I love you, from Devin, the last we saw his beautiful smile, the last we received one of his squeeze ya with all his might hugs, the last we were a complete family in our own home. 5 years ago was the day we realized there was going to be an unfathomable amount of firsts, it was the first day of a start to an all new normal.

I've been reading and re-reading One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp (amazing book by the way if ya haven't) and in there she says over and over about finding things to be grateful for no matter where we find ourselves in life, and that has been a huge impact on me over the last 9 months or so. then yesterday while driving i saw a sermon title on a local church sign......Rejoicing In The Whatever! it kinda stopped me in my teary depressed tracks.......i thought you know, (psst..right nows a Strong moment :) in the midst of all my grief and tears i got a boatload of things to be grateful for, a ginormous mountain of blessings at my doorstep.  i have an amazing hubby that comes home to me every night (even tho I'm sure there are days he walks in takes a look at my thundercloud expression and wants to walk back out) he loves me unconditionally, doesn't ever raise a hand to me and is faithful, i have friends who can't say that, friends who would love to be married and aren't. i have 2 beautiful healthy kids to get up and go on for every morning, (i trust they remember their moms good days ;) i have friends who would love to have just 1 of there own!
OK so I'll have to close this and go meet the painter dude @ our new house and pick out colors so I'll be back to finish this in another post cause in spite of it being a day I'll never forget my heart is full.....maybe it's the dreading this date more than the day or the memories of all that went on and emotions or something but it seems when this day actually gets here it's not as bad as the few days preceding it... i know weird, but that's me, all basket caseish or maybe its that the tears all got over with last night when my hubby says after a delightful Olive Garden dinner, lets catch a movie, so we did and guess what?, yup it was a new release on a guy finding out he has........CANCER!! so i bawled the whole way thru it.....was a great film with some excellent points in it, waaaaaayyyyy to much profanity, but turns out well, the guy lives and beats cancer.....yaaaayyyy!! anyway gotta run............