Today 11 years ago our 2nd child 2nd son was born....after much pain and agony and the kid getting stuck ( even after being assured by sis. many times the likelihood of the second kid getting stuck was next to nothing) Devin Wayne Diem made his appearance into this world, into our family, took over our hearts, every purple roly poly 9lb piece of him! the purple because the cord was around his neck twice, ( thankfully we knew nothing of at the time, though the docs were most ready to panic we found out later) He was a solid chunky ball of cuddly, snugly little boy, full of big smiles, lotsa giggles, long black eyelashes and loved to love, whether it was his daddy, big brother, mama, later on his little sister or just life, he did it with all his heart, for 5and a half wonderful years we got to love with him then cancer came and our lives changed......then death..........and that brings me to today......
as i got up this morning the first thought was we should be planning a birthday party with family and cake and presents and loving on this kid who brought so much joy to our lives but how do you party with the main attraction so missing?? and then....
i wondered for the rest of the day.........
what would he look like? would he be tall? would he like 5th grade? would his best friend still be his cousin Lyndon? would he still still have wanted chocolate cake and mint chocolate chip ice cream (the green kind:) for his birthday? would he be a grade A student like his siblings? would he still run for the door shouting daddy, daddy, daddy, when daddy got home from work? would his big brother still be his buddy and hero? his little sister his "responsibility" to protect? would he still be the first one down in the morning all snugly with sleepy i love you moms? would his eyes still light up at seeing pappy? would he still like nemo? would four wheelin with daddy be the best thing ever? would he still be going through treatment? would he be living with late stage side affects from chemo? would his growth have been stunted? he still be almost bald? would he still want to live by the beach? would he still love babies? and then............
i wondered..............
wonder if he takes care of his baby bro or sis in heaven? how do they celebrate birthdays in heaven? with angel food cake with golden candles, cotton candy clouds, snow cones, singing, dancin', throwing stardust, wear an extra special crown for the day? wonder if he plays in the ocean their, if he has a special group of buddies? or shiny angel wings? i wonder if he picks flowers for grandma there or if tells her how he wanted to help her milk cows? or sits and talks with his great grandpas? i wonder if he gets to dance across the stars or slide down rainbows?
the wondering doesn't ever get less, the mind goes on and on and on, then i stop and think but i never have to wonder if he loved or was loved............that's a forever thing that never goes away even though the person goes on to Heaven before the rest!!
"What you have once loved you can never lose, all that you love deeply becomes a part of you!"
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