Bits and Pieces

a dear friend is one who is willing to sort through the bits and pieces of your life, and find out who you really are and what makes up the person they were attracted to and after discovering pieces of broken relationships, and mistakes and trials and fragmented bits of that grief or hurt or scars still wants to invest in your life because they love you and care for the you that all that mess has made and wants to even then walk with you through whatever else life sends your way, YES!! THAT IS A TRULY DEAR FRIEND!!
 today I took two precious storage totes from my attic and made the short journey to my dear friend P's house. these priceless totes contain bits and pieces of my heart. precious memories burst outta those totes as I opened the lids and began to pull out the contents and show P. these totes were filled to the brim of most of what was left of our Dear Devin's belongings, at least his wearable belongings that is. I had talked of and dreamt of making a quilt with his clothing as a keepsake, cause my mama heart couldn't bear to part with them and to just keep them hidden away seemed so dis-honoring, so like I had packed him away and closed the door to that chapter of our lives, but the energy it took to think of when and where and how to begin a memory quilt up to this point looked to overwhelming, and I dreaded the thought of being surrounded by so many memories, alone, I wanted to do it and it be a fun happy time. well P loved the idea of walking down memory lane with me and mentioned several times of starting the blanket and today we finally did!! and I am pleased beyond words that she is on this journey with me, that she was willing to jump in the middle of my grief path and continue on by my side, even though she never knew Devin personally, that she still cares and wants to know him in every way possible makes my heart warm and I love the chance to talk about him and share him with her. it was great to open the totes again and remember him in different events and scenes of his life, and if I sniffed deeply enough I could almost smell his warm little wiggly self, the sweet smell that was his alone, hard to believe that it's been almost 8 years since he passed and if he was here he'd be celebrating 14 years in February. it wasn't near as hard as I thought it could be to cut up his clothes to make patches for the quilt, and the thought of it gracing my bed makes me warm already :)
as we were cutting and reminiscing and chatting and giggling I thought about how our lives are truly a cutting away and piecing together of so many different things and events. we tend to do the one time glance over and place a judgment call on people at first meeting and we have no idea of their story. I wonder how many precious relationships we kill before they ever get started, how many families fall apart because of a new member brought in no one got to know, how many churches aren't growing cause someone looks a bit different or a morsel was heard through the grapevine.........................................I wonder if we would invest in each other and really listen.....listen to truly hear what has made them who they are, if we wouldn't learn a huge lesson on grace. every life has a story, and every story is made up of a tremendous amount of varying bits and pieces of life. pieces of ended relationships, some by death, others by abandonment, some by betrayal, others by walking away. pieces of hurt, abuse, wrong choices.......bits of disappointment, loss, sickness, depression, bits of infertility, miscarriage, handicap, anxiety..........through all these bits and pieces that make up who we are a lot of time while were giving the once over and hanging a label around their necks we are shutting ourselves off from really investing in and hearing their story, meantime we ourselves are still trying to sort through the bits and pieces of our own confused life and crying for someone to hear us and love us for who we are at this moment. no....we don't have it all together, and yes.... we have made more mistakes than we ever care to admit..................but if we are Christ like and full of grace as we are called to be we'll jump in the middle of each others lives with a heart willing to listen and truly hear and with love and patience to come along and help pick up the bits and pieces, to support in healing the cut ragged edges and making new beautiful lives and relationships. this is what Christ does for us every day, He comes to us over and over in the middle of our broken bits and pieces of fragmented shattered lives and offers grace and healing, takes our hands and walks the journey alongside!
and this is why P has become so dear, she has put up with my weird and bravely said I wanna hear you and waded through my messed up life (yes the hip boots she donned were extra large) to see and love me for me, weird, twisted, weepy and all....and that to me shouts Christ and Grace!!
I know I fail to many times but that's what want to do, I want to truly love still, I want to come alongside, help gather the bits and pieces no matter how messy, odd, different, or shattered, to help make the ugliness beautiful, listen hard, hear for real, I want to do Christ and Grace, and I want do it BIG!!