Bottled Diamonds

Tears.... I’ve had lots over the years, there’s been times I’ve wondered if I was given a few extra pipelines and some others are missing theirs....when I’m nervous I cry....when I’m sad I cry.....when I’m grieving I cry.....sometimes when I call my hubby and hear his voice I cry.....or if I haven't talked to my mom in awhile I cry.....sometimes I cry when I’m happy.....sometimes I just cry for no obvious reason....sounds of certain birds, (yes!! Paula :) there is certain birds that have a breathtaking sound that makes me tear up every spring just in case your reading this) a touching song, a memory, a goodbye, and again the waterworks are operating in full power. I've cried when my kids were sick, in pain, when they were bad, and when there was moments of joy and pride. I've cried for others, in anger over life, in offense , in sympathy, in pain, in relief, I’ve cried because I was crying and didn't want to be or couldn't stop.....there are many reasons one cries....some of us just seem to have a trigger switch.

It used to be a source of frustration, and embarrassment to me, sometimes it still can be, like in Sunday School when asked to share our heart, and our response comes out in a trembling teary muddled mess of 3 choppy sentences instead of the eloquent paragraph running through your head of whats truly on your mind and in your heart and your sitting there thinking man!! not again these ladies probably cringe every time I open my mouth, thinking oh boy there she goes again!!. And it hits ya right now, like I wasn't feeling weepy or down or anything, it wasn’t that time of the month after all I am pg so cant blame it on the rag, could say prego hormones I guess cept this is a daily thing for me. Not a good memory, but I was told once in a letter from a church official that they felt I was manipulative, and that I used my tears to try and get my own way. Sorry persons, but I was just a quaking nervous wreck, I feel bad you don't have a heart of compassion that you cant read your people better than that. This is one of the reasons I write and blog, my feelings are portrayed so much better on paper or screen than in person, and a big plus is no one gets wet!! and no one needs to dig in their purse to share their stash of tissues! (thanks Beth, your the best-est :) someone once told me it's okay to be teary, it means you have a heart for people and a sensitive nature........i like that, I think I’ll go with it!! sounds much better than, don't mind me I'm a walking rainforest, or caution old faithful could blow at any given moment because I might need to use this to my advantage somehow!

I've also come to realize tears can be incredibly healing, like a deep cleansing relief. (yes!! I am one of those woman that will purposely sit down with a cry the whole way through movie just to get it outta my system) if you've never done that you should try it, you might end up with a migraine but you'll feel much better :) The Bible does say theres a time to weep....sometimes we just gotta make time.

There is a verse in the bible Psalm56:8 that talks about our tears and how that God catches each one and collects them in a bottle....that has been incredibly comforting to me through the many rainy seasons of my life, (although I’m sure years ago He traded my bottle in on a 50 gallon drum). But I love the mental picture I get of God holding us close when we cry, for whatever reason, and taking His thumb and gently catching each tear and bottling them. Leaves me feeling warm and cozy like a little girl snuggling on her daddies lap. I love the thought that to God I am that important, my tears are that important, that He cares and loves me so much that even my tears are like precious rare diamonds for Him to collect and treasure. I'm thinking Heaven must have millions of rainbows from the Son shining through all those bottled diamonds! And to Him it doesn't matter how we portray our hurts, struggles, joys or whatever, we don't need to have a flowery eloquent speech with all the right words and and dry eyes He just wants us to communicate with Him, He longs to hold us and listen to our heart even if every quiet time with Him is in a puddle! So don't ever be ashamed of your tears, after all God himself created us with this inner fountain and He treasures every leaky drop! I remember laughing at my son when he was 3 or 4, now 13, when he was crying bout something and hubby asked him why he was still crying, he replied cause my weepy thing still works :) i've come to be thankful for my weepy thing and the wondrous workings of it and the way its made for us to cleanse and heal and relate and rejoice and feel. the saying goes....tears are a language...i've come to believe that, although those around you may not always understand it doesn't matter where your at in life, what country your from what language you speak tears speak straight to the Father's heart and he understands every drop!