Life.........Beautiful!!

Well it's been a long while since i blogged.....although if it counts, i've been blogging on paper and in my head and heart all along as i tried to keep up with all the business and changes in our life. to catch everyone up on what's been going on, although most of you who read this know me so this ain't exactly news.....we became parents again after 10 years to our own Little gift from Heaven, our little Ava Danielle on November 29th. okay.....sooooo i'm back again, this post was started before Christmas!! :) more important things....people....have been taking up my time, for that i will not apologize! back to the subject at hand...LIFE!!! for the last 6 weeks we have been basking in the wonder of new life and the amazingness of life that our newborn Ava has brought to us. she has been the cheeriest, happiest, most adorable little treasured ray of sunshine our home has seen in awhile!! we cant get done oohhhing and aahhhing over her and loving on her, pretty much at all times she can be found snuggling in someones arms, mostly her mamas unless daddys home then shes pretty much his main attraction and the feeling is mutual you can tell already at her very young age, she has claimed the pocket over his heart and one can clearly see she aint relocating anytime soon much to his delight and satisfaction!! along with the immense joy and wonder at having this bit of Heaven in our home has come other changes.....mamas nerves aren't always the strongest, sleeps at an all time low,tears are never to far away, anxiety at times is out of this world, and our schedule....oh yea, right, what schedule...is there such a thing??? :) seriously, if it means having our Ava, we'll deal with anything!! the other day i found myself holding my sweet baby girl and i couldn't help but squeeze her a bit tighter and not want to let her go even though the dirty undies were piling up and dust bunnies were threatening to dethrone me in my own little kingdom. the tears came on sudden like as i gazed into her cherubic face so like her big brothers....her angel brother....the one that she'll only know through us!! the tears flowed for what is, what was, and what never will be. crying for the precious life i now held, yet also for the life i once held for 5.5years and now is no more. i rejoiced in this miracle of new life yet wept for wishing our story was different, that our family knew completeness, that this baby girl could know the love and life of her big brother (who was the biggest baby fan of all my kids) but having to be okay with her knowing and loving him through us. a part of me wonders if somehow through Heaven's Ava does know Devin more than we can imagine, more than we can ever comprehend. i know with out a doubt babies are handpicked and Heaven sent straight from our Father. i feel so much like im truly holding a piece of heaven in my arms when i squeeze her close, like she is this priceless gift sent to us for this exact Christmas moment and celebration from our Father and her big brother Devin!! i can totally see our Father in all His glorious love for us winking at Devin and whispering come with me theres something i want your help with, theres a new masterpiece in the making and i want the best parts of you to be included. i know some would probably proclaim i'm like totally out there, a bit charasmatic, or nutso!! but hey i say as much as God longs for a relationship with us here on earth i think it's even more so in Heaven!!! i mean do we invite our best friends over to our house and then sit them in a corner and walk away??!! i think NOT!! anyway, i can imagine My Father and Devin laying with their hands behind their heads in a field of wildflowers planning this precious gift they want to surprise us with! i can see them giggling together over how shocked and delighted they know we'll be with this baby girl,and then conspiring together about exactly how she'll look, about how tiny yet perfect she'll be, how she'll have the smile of an angel right from the start,about how they would give her a beauty all her own yet with little touches and reminders of her real angel brother. they would talk together about forming this amazing new life with unforgettable life gone on. they'd bestow on her long, thick, dark eyelashes the nurses all exclaimed over and envied on Devin, and they'd pass along his sticky up hair that made him look adorably impish, along with the one eye that squinted just enough when laughing to make him sparkle, and as a perfect finishing touch, they'd crown her with same can't help but kiss them, heart shaped perfectly pink lips. as we constantly love up this little person who is so her own individual person with a small piece of heaven throwed in, i get a vivid picture of God our Father on one knee, His loving arm around Devin and they are gazing to earth and delighting in the love and happiness they have created together and sent to fill our home, they laugh and high five each other and pronounce that was the perfectest gift ever!! She's just what they needed from Heaven this Christmas to heal a little more perfectly!! when it caming to naming this adorable cherub, we had quite a time deciding and agreeing. but one day while researching names we both kinda liked and tossed around, i looked into the meanings. there was one that we both really liked and agreed on but couldn't decide if we should use it because a friend already had a daughter with that name. when i looked up the meaning of this name...AVA, i knew if hubby still liked it that this was what it was to be. there are various meanings but the first one that jumped out at me was....life, beautiful!! i felt after seeing that, that her name to was heaven sent....life to us because of circumstances we'd faced had become so valuable, so precious, so fleeting, and yes!! so beautiful. i thought of life, of how we'd loved and lost, of how so fast your enjoying life, the next your in a nightmare, and then i thought of my Uncle Dan,a man who had become very special to us over the last 6 or so years, a man who encouraged us and stood by us through some of our darkest days, a man who was at that moment fighting for his life with same dreaded disease that took our son,and i knew i wanted my daughters middle name to be in his honour!! another meaning for Ava was breath of life, and i felt like with the precious gift we looked forward to we were also given a very real fresh breath of life. none of us knows how much life we'll be given,i used to pray were given a life time with our kids, ive come to realize were always given a life time with them, just not everyones lifetimes the same length of time, some are over in what our human minds would say was to short but in reality it was just right, their own lifetime. over the weekend we laid to rest Glen's 93 year old grandma, she lived a long life, but she too expieranced alot of grief with life lost, her husband to a farm accident, her son to a vehicle accident, a grandson to an accident a great grandson to cancer, 2 daughter in laws....etc. when we experiance life like that we hold on tighter,it becomes even more extra precious, i thank God for this precious heaven sent gift, this ray of sunshine, this life.... beautiful, AVA DANIELLE!! however long her lifetime!!