Mixed Emotions

He's been my Uncle for 38 years yet it's only been in the last 7 that we really connected and he became very special. My Uncle Dan is a Respitory Therapist and was working outta Hershey Medical Center when Devin was going through his cancer journey, so in between patients Uncle Dan would come sit and visit with us. Devin wasn't a kid that had an abundance to say, but when he'd see Uncle Dan he'd light up. It made our day when he would join us for icecream parties in the cafeteria or go to the playroom with us for Devin's bingo games or craft time. Uncle dan brightened Devin's day, encouraged mama and became very special through his strong faith and support little did we know that one day not terribly long after Devin's cancer journey ended Uncle Dan would begin his own and it became our turn to walk with him on this everchanging up and down no road maps given out at the start journey. His faith has made a huge impact on me. At the end of each visit he tells me he's praying to beat this ugly disease, he knows our Great God can do a miracle in his body but if not here on this earth he'll be healed forever in Heaven, then he says be faithful, no matter what Our God is Good!!!! A few weeks ago when i went to leave he took my hand and and told me he thinks he'll see Devin soon!! Wow!! a part of me was a little bit jealous to think of them getting to be together, the other part of me wanted to scream NOOO!!! i'm not ready to say another goodbye, and yet still another part just wanted him to go and be painfree and done with the suffering and i knew Devin would be so happy!! i could just envision Devin right behind Jesus welcoming him through heaven's gate with his sparkly eyes and bubbly laugh. Uncle Dan's cancer is at the point that unless given a miracle his healing will be in Heaven!!! wow!! what a healing!!! painfree and cancer free FOREVER!!! and yet as much as we rejoice that his battle will be over we cry for what we know we'll miss and long for with him gone. how does one say goodbye to someone so dear when you have so much you want to say yet no words at all. i keep remembering something i read after Devin passed, that life gone on ahead of us is not a period, but a comma, a pause, in our journey till were all together, reunited again in heaven by Jesus side never to say another goodbye. i remember as a kid being spell bound every time Uncle Dan played the piano. He didn't just play it well he played it really well with all the extra fancy notes and musical flourishes. and i remember then already being an emotional female and feeling tears lurking right beneath the surface depending what he played. one song in particular i remember him playing and requested after that a few times was, John Denvers, Leaving On A Jetplane. i loved it, not sure exactly what it was about it but loved it and every time i heard it anywhere i'd think of Uncle Dan and see him sitting at that old piano of Grammy's playing it. today i looked up the words and a few were fitting, but i wondered if Uncle Dan could get himself outta that hospital bed and to a big old piano if this is more the words he'd be singin......( John Denver's no longer living to ask his permission but i felt inspired to change the words)                I'm Leaving Here On Angels Wings

My time heres almost through, i'm ready to go
      I'm standing outside heaven's door
I've called you together to say goodbye
the dawn is breakin on the other side
my Jesus is waiting His arms open wide
 my healings begun im ready to fly!!

chorus: So kiss me and smile for me
tell me you'll be joining me
      hold me tight then gently let me go
      cause i'm leaving here on angel's wings
      I wont be coming back again
      rest assured to heaven I will go

There's many times you'll miss me here
so many memories all around
      I tell you now hold each other dear
every place you go i'll be with you
      every song you sing i'll sing with you
      though I'm gone it'll be a little like im near

Now the time has come to leave you
one more time let me kiss you
close your eyes I'll be on my way
      dream about the days to come
when you join me on heaven's shore
about the time goodbyes are no more
Uncle Dan you are loved so much!! i'm continually praying for a miracle, but i know if yours is to be a heavenly healing we'll be together again some day!! perhaps it'll be around the biggest, grandest, goldest piano you ever can imagine!!! i know a five year old angel that had the Wile gene of love of music that will be the first to climb on that piano bench beside you as you pound out the heavenliest of notes on them golden keys!!! i don't know why God has allowed you to walk this journey, but i can see Christ in you through this and your faith is a shining testimony of our God's goodness and grace!!