Christmas is Worship....Christmas is Hope

Christmas, it's been on my mind so much this week, and not just because it's only a few days away, but because life has been feeling rather heavy, life has been crowding in, blurring the atmosphere of the season of miracles and hope, cluttering up trying to push aside worship of our Lord, the greatest Christmas miracle and gift of hope ever. There was a period of time after Devin died when I was rather paranoid I guess you'd say, and felt like I was continually looking for the "next bomb to drop" as it were on our family. it had just felt like there was so many deaths and other trying events one after the other that I started feeling like ok I really can't relax or let my guard down because sooner or later we'll be in "the new" again. anyway I feel like for the most part I worked thru that time and found healing, but I had to think about that a little this week with the feeling of the heaviness of life crowding in, but then right on top of that I really started to ponder Christmas, and God reminded me that this is why He came, to carry our heaviness to walk beside us, to carry us when we can't take another step. I was just amazed at how the first Christmas ever was all about us!!! He came to the earth as a babe to give us the ultimate gift of himself, we only need reach out and take it. However now that we've received him and accepted his gift and know him it isn't about us at all!! but Christmas is sooooo very much about him!!! it's about us celebrating him!! us worshipping him!! us taking this gift to the hurting and lost and shining him!! yesterday was Christmas sunday so in sunday school we had a time of sharing and prayer and lots of tears!! this to is worship!!! lifting each other up, encouraging, walking along side. of course it's also one of the reasons I finally opened up my blog again, my heart and soul were filled and overflowing and yes as typical for me my eyes were filled too!!! but.... I can write much better than speak :) so here I am and well its easier to wipe off tears from a keyboard and no one ever know than to try and discreetly wipe them away in a room full of ladies and get by with it :) although the tears running yesterday didn't keep my mouth shut :( but the prayers and hugs and love and encouragement and hope, were healing, sanctifying, and yes filled me with hope and renewed faith that no matter what were facing our tiny baby king got everything under control in His hands as only the God of the universe can and those dear ladies around me in sunday school  will be right there whenever I need a shoulder, hug, or just a quiet support!! seems I still got a lot to learn about letting go....and I guess that more than anything is what I keep hearing through life!! my grandma Halteman had a heart attack in July and ever since she has required round the clock care I've been trying to take my turn and sit with her at least once a week. for the most part I enjoy every minute of it, some days yes I think oh my theres so much I should be getting done at home, or she'll sleep a lot and the day drags by but I always come away so grateful I went. my grandmother Wile is at this moment in the hospital not doing real well, seems the cancer is fighting with a vengeance. and this is where life really started to feel so heavy. my Wile family has been going through so much the last few years, grandpap unexpectedly passing away in an accident, grammy fighting her cancer battle, Uncle John going through cancer treatments, Uncle Denny having heart issues, Uncle Dan losing his fight with cancer, and this week finding out my dad needs open heart surgery. I just feel like God is saying, you gotta let go, gotta not hang on so tight, i'm in control it's not about you and how you want life to be, it's me that's in charge of writing this story and you need to trust the pen in my hand. I get that, now, yes sometimes it's hourly I need to hand back that pen so God can continue writing but I'm slowly learning, to trust, to hang on just tight enough that I cherish and make the most of each moment I'm given with any of my dear family, but not so tightly that I smudge the writing, the story. He is the author, the illustrator, the editor, the printer.....He gets all the acknowledgments and the credits.....and when I think of Christmas and how that story, His story turned out, how can I not leave it to Him!!