There Are Royal Days

so there is this little thought that keeps going through my mind this week, and it's not something that's necessarily new and yet it's the first that it seems my feeble little mind is fully grasping it and actually allowing it to take root and grow. kinda like those new bulbs my dear hubby so excitedly planted last year than forgot about and is now ecstatic to witness the fruits of his labor taking root and poking through the mud reaching towards the light, yup I'd say that's kind of how this thought is for me, I'm breaking through the murky doubty soil and seeing the light dawning and the new growth feels amazing, and in my heart of hearts I know to get to this awakening there has been a lot of transplanting and pruning and dying and rebirth and the whole process has been dirty and messy and downright trembly and torturous at times but every day with a little more strength and shaky confidence I'm finding myself being able to look in the mirror and smile and say, yes, You, Janette, are the PORTRAIT OF A PRINCESS, CHOSEN DAUGHTER OF THE KING!!!!!
there are many days I fail in reaching out to others, fail to send that note of encouragement, drop a hello I'm praying, fail to deliver that needed meal...... many days I fail my husband fail to respect and honor and buildup... fail my kids, to cheer on, praise, lift up, pray for them.... many days I lose my temper, my patience, I yell instead of speak softly and gently. but at the end of the day as I come before my Heavenly Father I hear Him say with a smile, it's ok dear girl, you are the PORTRAIT OF A PRINCESS, CHOSEN DAUGHTER OF THE KING!! and tomorrow is a new day!
there are many days that sadness of life crowds in, taking over my sonshine, many days my head is all about myself filled with pity, and why me? why my son being taken so young, when so many don't even want theirs? many days I can't focus beyond my own world and the hurt that life has dealt, and the anger of a life not as I wish it would have been takes over my thoughts, and I rant and fume and stomp my feet and shake my fist......but at the end of those exhausting days as I lay down hanging my head in shame, I hear my Heavenly father whisper, rest easy my girl, nothing you have ever done can make me unchoose you or remove your portrait from my royal family album, you will always be priceless to me, I never keep track of and remember your forgiven indiscrepincys, sins, or shortcomings, i'll always love you unconditionally! and then He lifts my head, looks into my eyes and tenderly whispers, for you will always be to me the PORTRAIT OF A PRINCESS, CHOSEN DAUGHTER OF THE KING!! and tomorrow is a new day!
and then there are days where I rush headlong into the day and I forget to stop and pray, to soak up the word of God, to sit and be still. I run around doing all sorts of things and yet a whole lot of nothing. my priorities are all askew and things that are so not important take precedence over everything of utmost importance. the family goes without clean laundry, the meals thrown together and the dust bunnies threatened to run us outta house and home. kids get rushed out the door to school barely making it on time, and that night I wonder what was accomplished  and feel like a total mother and wife failure, but still there's a whisper, YOU ARE THE PORTRAIT OF A PRINCESS, CHOSEN DAUGHTER OF THE KING!!!! and tomorrow is a new day!!
there are many days when the devil brings about thoughts from days gone by, choices that were less than perfect, wrongs and failures, regrets and grudges and throws them in my face and stirs up the doubts of forgiveness and heart set, free made new in Christ, and my mind stumbles and questions and doubts but  at the end of those teary, begging yet again for forgiveness and acceptance that gentle voice comes to me and assures, your mine always, THE PORTRAIT OF A PRINCESS, CHOSEN DAUGHTER OF THE KING!!! and tomorrow is a new day!
there are many days I live in dissatisfaction of who I am. I loathe my size, my waist Is non existent, and the shelf out the back needs a caution triangle or as we called them growing up and now seems so appropriate "fanny flags"! I feel fat and grumpy cause young and thin feels forever gone, and fat, sassy and happy is so over rated, bra size is embarrassing and finding clothes to fit and be modest without claiming title of bag lady is next to impossible, and the fire one could start with the thigh rubbage, oh my!! and then theirs the stomach hangover and stretch marks that never quite fade from pregnancy, birthing, C-sections, weight gain and just aging in general. and the double chin, and arm flab accented by flashes of yellow teeth and pale skin. but every day I'm beginning to see myself a little more as being beautiful, cause I've been hearing this tender repeating, to me you are a masterpiece, I have created you, you are as you are because this is who I desire you to be, and because of my blessings to you in the form of your most priceless heaven sent gifts, your children!! and whats more important than any of this is that you smile and you shine for me no matter what, because to me you will always be the PORTRAIT OF A PRINCESS, CHOSEN DAUGHTER OF THE KING!! and tomorrow is a new day!
and there are days when fear and worry over any number of things crowd in, looming large, threatening to bury me with the weight of it!! when trust is all but gone and God seems so small and extremely long distant!! days when it's not that I forget to pray but I just can't, when it seems to exhausting, to difficult and even a bit worthless! days when I question when I'm even on God's radar. days I wonder if it's worth it and will I ever be strong enough. and days when I wonder if I ever had faith at all. and then at the end of the day peace that only comes from above washes over and I hear, head up my girl, your still the PORTRAIT OF A PRINCESS, CHOSEN DAUGHTER OF THE KING!! and tomorrows a new day!
and there are days when relationships are to hard and overwhelming and messy, days when who you perceived as friends are judgmental, hurtful, and betraying. when the hurt and broken and alone are so thick and many around you, you feel swallowed up in the helplessness and hurting of it all. days when your family feels unwanting of you and rejectful, when your friends feel far away and unreachable, when church feels like a ritual waste instead of enriching worship, but then there's His voice saying, I am all you need, and you are the PORTRAIT OF A PRINCESS!! CHOSEN DAUGHTER OF THE KING!! and tomorrow is a new day!!!
there are days I wonder if I learnt anything through our trials and sorrows and tears. days I wonder if there is surely not more to life than this?!! days I question whether we are where were meant to be or what if were being called out somewhere different and were not tuning in enough to hear, to get it. and then I hear, I know the plans I have for you, a hope and a future, and I know you are THE PORTRAIT OF A PRINCESS!! CHOSEN DAUGHTER OF THE KING!! and tomorrow is a new day!!
I know this is life, I am human, there will be more of, THESE DAYS!! but as I go to bed tonight, it's with a lite, peaceful, joy filled heart knowing in Him I'm who I'm meant to be, because of Him I'm perfectly beautiful!! I'm chosen, wanted, loved, valued, beautiful and perfect in every way cause this who my heavenly father has called and created me to be!! and in the end it's not what I see through mine or anyone elses glasses that matters!! I'M THE PORTRAIT OF A PRINCESS, I'M THE CHOSEN DAUGHTER OF THE KING!!! I'M ROYALTY!! And that's something to celebrate and dance about!!!!!!

Parallel Parking, Potty Training, and Pads

This month.....wow it's almost gone! This month of March has been a bit strange, hard to describe, emotional, .........surreal!! Hubby has been home for most of the month which has been really nice, with all the intense cold weather we were having he finished up his jobs and nothing else was ready, so the down time to catch up with each others lives and get odds and ends done was wonderful not to mention the joys of staying in my warm house while he volunteered to take over the daily school run most days! so it was at the beginning of this little reprieve from work that mama decided it was a great time to begin the potty training of little Miss Ava!! I mean brilliant right!!?? who doesn't dream of that extra pair of hands and feet to help with the many potty break interruptions through out ones day!! but anyway as it turns out hubby was huge help in the potty training adventure cause hubby had a new trailer to organize and ready for when work started again and well mama still needed to do grocery runs and all so daddy babysat and tinkered with his trailer and miss Ava loved every minute with trailing her daddy around for weeks!! And well with a minimum of accidents lil miss is now wearing panties and even staying dry through the night!!! but..........in the middle of all this mama had to take Mr. Brandon  to practice parallel parking and then later on for his drivers test and then to purchase his first set of wheels and his own insurance!!  it was like all of a sudden I felt like I was having an outta body experience!! I was trying to dance to every drummer in one fell swoop!! needless to say I wasn't dancing well, I was trippin all over my feet and everyone elses that happened in my path!! I mean I shouldn't have been shocked what with having a lil lady 10 years on behind the last and 14 years after the oldest!! but........ I just wasn't prepared for the spin I found myself in......in one sense I was so excited and thrilled to watch my oldest take another step towards being a man and growing his wings a bit more, but then with that came all the emotions of feeling old (and having a cashier ask me if I wanted the senior 50 and over card didn't help) and then like a blast my mind turned towards the past and wondering what Devin would be saying to his big brother about his new jeep and if he'd be the first one in for a ride and tagging along to youth group and being the typical backseat driver most younger siblings are and then I started feeling horribly bad for Brandon not having a chance to be that hero big brother to Devin and not having the chance for the two of them to go muddin together and all those other crazy wonderful memory making moments brothers have. and then........I walked in the door at home and lil miss comes running to tell me that she stayed dry and needs to go potty and wants mommy to help and I felt a tiny bit younger again yet very much in many different worlds cause  then middle child/daughter comes to me and proceeds to let me know that she needs bigger unmentionables and a new supply of feminine products the next time I go for groceries and I thought, wow!! I really am at all intersections of life here with my darling kids and I can choose to be overwhelmed and frustrated and frazzled or I can proceed cautiously and grab onto every wonderful amazing moment and make as many memories as I possibly can and hang onto each of these seasons knowing after awhile there'll come a season when this is past and i'll look back and long for just a tiny bit of it all again!!  cause in the end I'd give anything to be experiencing whatever it is Devin would be into right now and time has no guarentees  and our moments are so quickly lost if we don't consciously lasso everyone and immerse ourselves it and then file them away for later entertainment!! so...........life.......is great in it's many faces, we are blessed beyond measure!!