the winter is beginning to feel really lo-o-o-o-ong! temps are horrendously low and wind is horrifically high! I've never been a fan of cold or wind, (less I'm somewhere tropicalish and it's a warm breeze by the sea) but this year seems it's longer and colder than ever, or perhaps it's my age creeping up on me, after all 40 means going downhill so I'm sure there'd ample opportunities for the wind to be in your face. however I say all that to say I totally understand the cycle of seasons and we need the cold to get nature and us ready for spring and new life! Life it self can have lo-o-o-o-ng winter seasons too, and the heart knows that in order to see fresh results, new growth, we gotta hang tough and hold tight to the one in control of the seasons cycles, the head, however has a hard time most often it seems wrapping it's mind around this fact and being patient and hopeful. sometimes when life gets in the way and relationships are a struggle, souls around us are hurting, friends are grieving, others are fighting to hold onto their own hope, conflicts and confrontations are for front, the daily seems pointless, why's are unanswered, directions in life seem lost and unattainable......sometimes it's then the mind feels raped, shutting down to auto pilot, numb, moving in slow motion, telling oneself to breath through the next moments, day after day. what one found therapeutic and rejuvenating becomes exhausting and elusive, the body moving but not aware or calculating each step, rather just getting by. the darkness seems to grab ahold and fight every waking moment to crowd in, the light seems so distant and elusive, and you feel more like a mushroom kept in the dark surrounded by poop.......but then..... a tiny sliver of light breaks through the tear stained cracks, and as you lift your face towards it and feel the warmth and love of an exceptionally good day spring and new life seem not so far away, not so out of reach, and the hope bud blooms a bit more vibrantly!
we have literally been surrounded by poop this very long cold winter week. all but one of us down with the flu almost every day! Praise God that seems to be behind us!! but... my littlest bundle of love and pure heaven, can always be counted on for a ray of sunshine....Miss Ava has taught me so much about pure love, and connections to Heaven and My father! Ever since she was itty bitty when I would hold and snuggle her she wouldn't quite settle until she found her favorite cozy spot right over mamas heart then she would settle in and snooze, now that she's 2 it's not much different cept there's a bit more of her to try and curl, but she still comes when she's tired or sad or not feeling well and says, "mom, hold you please" :) and loves to snuggle right over my heart while I "rock you"! time and time again I've thought about this and the comfort and feeling of security and belonging she finds there and I think, wow, I could learn so much from this cherub, if only when I feel numb and shrouded in dark and despair , I would run to my Father in those first moments, and say, hold me please, and place myself right over His heart and give Him my life struggles then leave it, lay back and rest, be still! but to many times for some crazy twisted reason I forget to do that till last ditch effort, and He wants nothing more for us than to not have to go this life alone but to lean fully on Him....Always! well..... here's to a new week, filled with warmth, forgiveness, hope, health and Father heart moments!
