Wednesday February 5, 2020 I had a routine breast cancer doctor visit. I was determined I wasn't going to worry and fret over the what ifs of Dr. Lee finding anything new. I went to work bright and early, got a few hours in then left for my appointment. I have a habit of when alone in my car I pray, verbally, it keeps my mind on praying and I don't fall asleep mid petition, this time I found myself coming back again and again to, please Lord, no more cancer, like a broken record! In a weird crazy way it was kind of good to be back, kind of like coming home, getting to see and squeeze those that became almost family, definitely friends, over the last year. Was great to see my nurse Marcy, she has the potential of a soul sister, love her dearly. Once we got the weight and BP and the 101 questions outta the way it was time to see Dr. Lee, the sweetest doc. one could hope for in these situations. Overall she was pleased with my numbers and how everything was looking, until In doing the exam she found a hard knot right beneath my medi port site. She felt it, then came back to it and I said, yea, that thing showed up after my port was removed, it doesn't bother me less I mess with it. She looked at me and was like, and you weren't going to mention it?? I was like well, I just assumed it was scar tissue or something from my port. She was very emphatic that nothing new or out of the ordinary gets let go, and they, their office, gets called immediately. She then measured it and put orders in for an ultrasound, preferably sooner rather than later, so when I checked out and the receptionist asked when I would like it done I almost didn't then I was like, well, any chance they would have an opening like this afternoon, cause I'm here and it's almost an hour drive so if I could save myself another run.....furthermore the voices were already trying to take over my sanity and I'm thinking lets just get this out of the way and move on with life already and do what we need to do, like I need to know, yesterday kind of thing!! anyway she was like absolutely let me see if I can get you scheduled in today yet and God was listening and an hour and a half later I was in!!!!!The ultrasound tech was very sweet and went over everything thoroughly then was like, well, I need you to stay here until I get the doctor to look at these...….that was like flashbacks to diagnosis, and the anxiety and trembling wanted to kick I and take over, and I thought surely not again......so I once again put my broken record on and my prayer was on repeat, while I'm laying there pleading I heard my phone chime with a message notification, but was terrified to move and check it. A few eternity feeling like minutes passed then there was a soft knock at the door and the sweet tech was back with a doctor in tow. The dr. was a sweet woman that introduced herself with a handshake and a pat on my arm and said, first, to reassure you, you have nothing to worry about!! I said awesome, thankyou Jesus!! She said, yes, this is the kind of news we like to pass on to patients! This is... and she rattled off a large name which means, scar tissue and buildup!! she said it's fairly common after ports have been removed, and it's showing up as white scar tissue, not black or dark gray as cancer would!! she said I understand Dr. Lee's concern and precaution, and rather look at it and get peace of mind then have regrets. She shook my hand again and let me know she thought I looked very healthy and have no worries then they both left me to clothe and right myself before meeting them to be shown the way out. I got up and felt like a grateful, relieved limp noodle, and the tears started and all I could do was fold myself to my knees by the ultrasound table in thankful praises for answered prayers, once I got up and found my phone I checked my messages and the message that came in at the same time I was waiting and praying was from my boss Katie saying I felt a nudge and wanted you to know I am praying for you!!! and....I cried again!! that was God whispering peace and answered prayer and love!! When you feel a nudge, act on it, you may be the messenger from Heaven that person needs, the reassurance of not being alone they need to hear, the boost of faith that will give them the courage to take the next step or to keep on believing, plus, It will wrap you up in blessings knowing you touched someone else. when I got back to the office we shared celebratory hugs and a few tears, I am blessed to have a boss and work environment that cares for their people for real and are listen to the whispers from heaven. A couple weeks ago I was checking out my local bent and dent store and out of my peripheral I saw a friend I don't know terribly well but know well enough to know her life is one of extreme pain and struggles and my heart hurts for all she has to muddle through. my girls were with me and I briefly thought I should go say hi and hug her, but then we were done and ready to head out so I thought well I guess not this time, but then as I reached the car I still felt like I really should find her and hug her, so before I could over think it I told my girls to unload the cart that I was gonna go say hi to a friend and be right back. I walked into the store and found her shortly after and as I walked up to her I said, hey, I just wanted to say hi and hug you, I know life isn't easy right now, she looked at me and beamed then said, this means so much, my week has been so difficult, and just this morning I prayed, please Lord, send me people that will lift up my hands that hang down and I got a message or 2 from friends and a hug from you!!!! I walked away thinking, what if I wouldn't have listened to that whispered nudge from God, I would have missed out on the blessing of being an answer to her cry for help, I would have missed seeing the pure joy and amazement on her face as she felt God right there with her in that moment! I wonder how many other opportunities I've missed cause the voices are drowning out and the busy and rush is tuned in and silencing the steady whispered breaths and nudges from heaven......God help me to look around, to turn my eyes and ears and heart wide open to you, to be the blessing someone needs to feel you!!
I came home to a bouquet of cut flowers from a Montana friend, via her sweet kiddo that was here for a brief visit.
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