#1 and #2 Of The Next Go Round, and More.......

March 14, 2019 Last Evening I was required to take 5 Decadron, a type of anti-inflammatory/steroid med in preparation for todays new treatment regimen. it's a one time thing unless I was one of the percentage of woman that reacts to this go round. I was a bit anxious being a ginger, that I wouldn't handle the new treatment and also a bit anxious about those 5 little pills, tho small they've proven to be mighty and being a steroid I didn't like how they made me feel twitchy and hungry every second!! But, another step to the end goal, so we take a deep breath close our eyes swallow the pills lift our head and face the next moment!! Miriam was my chauffer today, we've seen each other through a lot of mine fields in our 16 years of friendship so I knew today would be filled with laughter and support and memories in spite of the very frustrating situation!! I love my care team at the cancer center, they are easy to be around and honestly care about every detail of your visit and do a great job at making you feel like you are not only normal, but well supported, and one of them. my blood pressure was slightly elevated due to laughing and carrying on with the nurses, but they took it again later right before infusion and it was great, it would seriously have shocked me had it stayed up, I've only ever had a high BP one other time in my life and that was when I was meeting with doctors to find out my  scan results. They were thrilled to say also my blood work was beyond perfect and Dr. Lee can only find a tiny edge  of something left of the tumor, if it was in fact the tumor she was feeling, she said it is really hard to tell at this point without an actual scan, it could be biopsy scar tissue. after my meeting and exam with Dr. Lee it was infusion time, #1 of the next 12 treatments, I was volleying between being calm and periods of anxiousness, when I had my blood drawn and port accessed the nurses were all like so today we start the new regimen, did you take your 5 Decadron to help with staving off an allergic reaction?  ummm yes, yes, I did, but, what happens if I react, like, what are the symptoms etc?? didn't really get an answer on that question, the nurse was like, well, each person reacts differently, no two are the same, and we are prepared and trained so there's nothing to worry about, we'll take good care of you. well, that sounded great without really giving me any info! then I said, so, being a ginger, and reacting opposite or at a higher level in a lot of things normal people wouldn't, does that make this situation more worrisome or??? and she stopped, and looked at a couple other of her side kicks and was like, she's a ginger, are you guys taking that in and the one nurse says, it's ok, we got ya both covered. so I get settled in my recliner, kicked off my shoes, put up my feet, laid back a bit and turned on the heated seat and started munching pretzels and a ginger-ale from a sweet older guy that volunteers there and tried to not think anything but positive, and breath my way to calm and offer a smile to each nurse and patient there and believe and pray that all would be well and this was the next step to the end of this mess. so they started with IV's of Benadryl and anti nausea and rejection meds and then slowly ran the chemo thru, the Benadryl made me a bit sleepy and because they ran it all through slower to be precautious we were in the infusion room much longer than normal, but I was ok with that, I knew it was the best place for what I needed and for if I did react to anything. I was so absolutely grateful when it was all over and the only thing I really felt was the sleepiness from the Benadryl, thankyou, Jesus for answered prayers!!!! Miriam and I went and got lunch together and did a few other stops before heading home, I am so very blessed with the best chauffer's, and friends that I know I can be comfortable with on these long treatment days!!

March 15, 2019 today I got an absolutely gorgeous bouquet of bright summery flowers from my sister Angie and family, it sure adds a happy touch to my kitchen, specially on these last few rainy dreary days we've been having.

I had a follow up appointment for an internal ultrasound on the 2 ovarian cysts they were keeping track of when they discovered them on my cat scan. Glen was hoping to go along with me, but ended up getting delayed at work finishing up a job, so, last minute I took myself. I'm not sure what the problem was, but I have never been in that much pain while having an internal ultrasound, and I have a fairly high pain tolerance, but it was all I could do to lay there and keep it all together and not cry buckets. thankfully it didn't last overly long and I could soon be on my way, but not without a new worry added to my list of what did they find, and is it worse since I had pain this time and does that mean they grew and are maybe cancerous to now or.....and the mind just doesn't wanna stop bouncing down these bunny trails of worry and fear. was so grateful for snail mail from Montana, from my Judith friend that has also seen way to much of cancer in her life. the words on the note card she sent was peace for me....HE IS NEARER THAN YOU THINK, CLOSER THAN YOU HEAR, HE HOLDS YOU IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND! was such a good reminder for my weary mind!

March 17, 2019 emotional, mental overload, I felt it building up all week, with the overwhelming amount of info and decisions of surgery consults and my first appointment of the next 12 on Thursday, this mental, emotional exhaustion took over, and last evening and into this morning the flood gates opened and the tears wouldn't stop and everything felt like it was spiraling out of control. I guess that's how it works at times, you brace yourself for all the unknowns, yet keep yourself going and moving and doing the next step, all the while your mind is churning questions and scenarios, how are we going to decide which surgery reconstruction route is best, and what if I get Lymphadema and how am I going to cope with after surgery and recovery, and then the new med regimen, am I going to react, I don't know but, push down the trepidation, and soldier on and you keep yourself moving forward and facing the next hurdle and try not to let yourself overthink, but, keep going, then, the ultrasound, and, what if, and maybe, but, well, we wont know till we know, so push it away till we have to go there, and after awhile the mind is weary and over loaded and it all snowballs and once you have all the appointments done and the week is winding down and you get to sit down and try and relax it all comes crashing down at the next sighing exhale of deep breath. I couldn't sleep passed about 330-4 so I came down to the couch and tried to get myself in a good frame of mind but the tears.....awhile later hubby joined me on the couch and in the tears, we talked it out, or maybe it was more me vomiting all my worries and frustrations and fears and yes even some anger at feeling like I was having to sacrifice my schedule and my family time and everyday of this year so far and my body and mind to this ugly beast of a disease and I was just so done, I feel like I have no say on any day at what happens with my life. He listened and cried with me and prayed with me then gently reminded me how much we have to be grateful for, the treatments have been a huge success, we have a care team that is fabulous, a massive group of prayer warriors and friend group beyond amazingness, that have all readily been here for us and are readily on stand by should we need anything at all, and we got through the first 8 weeks when we didn't see how we ever would, and are now at the start of the last 12 and together we will get this done and we will be ok, just please don't say you are done! He told me before he took the kids to church he wanted me to please find something positive and uplifting to either read or listen to or something, and to not sit in my own head, but to find sunshine, I promised him I would. literally, 5 minutes later I get a message from Laura, saying, are you going to church this morning, cause if your going to be home by yourself, I'm going to come be with you. YES, PLEASE!! perfect God fix for me not to sit in my own head, perfect God fix for positive and uplifting!! we had a lovely time "doing church" together, was the healing balm this over emotional basket case needed!! then, this evening Glen's brother Gene and Voni brought a delicious supper over and then we had a great evening playing marble chase or something like that, we saved the guys ego and male pride and left them win each round. :) it was a lot of fun and great to laugh and act for a little while like no cancer existed. 

March 18-20,2019 Monday morning I got up feeling like a new person, I was up well before the rest of the house, feeling great and ready to go. Beth messaged me and said any chance you feeling good and wanna get out a bit and do breakfast, and I was like, well, why not, i'm feeling great right now so i'm gonna grab the moment while I can, we had a delicious breakfast together and great conversation as usual, from there I went and got groceries and then I came home and changed my bed and reorganized my pantry, then chatted awhile with my dear sister Jessica that so kindly brought a fabulous supper over. she had been in Porta Rico with CAM for a couple months so it was great to see her again! I went to bed feeling like a bit more back to normal, I hadn't went into my couch to sleep or just sit at all today!! Tuesday morning I got up feeling even better, a friend needed a ride to a chambersburg appt so I took her and then we did lunch, was so refreshing to be able help out someone else. again I came home and did some baking and laundry etc. and didn't need to keep my couch company at all. I got an unexpected message from my friend Judith's hubby Raine, it was a cancer ribbon rainbow, the sun hitting his yeti cup while working created a rainbow cancer ribbon and he knew he needed to share that with those of us battling this disease. it was a message straight from Heaven, from God in the middle of his day......Hope.....a love letter from heaven, from their son Grant that soldiered bravely this disease and Raine's mama and Judith's mama who both battled this disease, it was a message of love and a confirmation that God does notice and care about cancer!! totally made my day and I couldn't stop smiling and was so grateful he shared his pics with me and the message of hope and love straight from heaven, I love when God lets us literally see into His heart!! 

March 20, 2019 First day of spring!!!!! just knowing that makes the day sunshinier!!! my car was dripping oil on the garage floor so Em and I ran it the dealer then Laronda picked us up and we grabbed Rita's for us and Rosene and went and snuggled baby Sophia a bit!! springtime and squishy baby love, can't get much better therapy than that!!! 

March 21, 2019 day #2 of the 12......today Laura is my chauffer, we left a bit earlier and enjoyed a delicious Cracker Barrell breakfast before heading into the Cancer center. My blood work had a couple slight hitches in it, although Dr. Lee felt it was almost not worth mentioning, she said I was showing a slight, almost non existent sign of anemia, and my magnesium level was a little bit on the low side, but other than that everything looked great including my BP. she said as far as the tumors go she feels besides a bit of extra fullness that could just be some fluid or scar tissue where the tumors were she is not feeling anything any more and is very pleased how they responded to treatment and everything is looking amazing. She was also very excited to say my ultrasound came back perfectly clear, no ovarian cysts of any kind there at all anymore and looking fabulous!! I left the exam feeling like a weight had lifted and thanking God for a miracle, she had no explanation as to why the exam was so painful, cause of the clear scans and absent cysts, it should have been the opposite, I don't know either, but I am praising God He took them away and  gave me a fabulous report. Infusion was long, Benadryl put me to sleep for a little, but it felt good to nap, my appt was at 10:30, infusion was done and we were finally on our way at 345. treatment days are one of those days you don't schedule anything else in and you be prepared to spend the day. we went to Hoss for lunch before heading home, it was a long but great day and felt so good to say, 2 down, 10 to go...…. 

March 22, 2019 today was pick Laronda up at garage and do some wedding detail running while the windshield gets replaced day!! we stopped at Pure and Simple Café in Greencastle before moving on, love these moments with my girls!!

my mailbox held lots of love and encouragement again this week, from Uncles and aunts and sisters and old friends and now friends and friends that have humor and see something I can only hope I live up to a little bit :) funny how a tiny little title written on an envelope can make you smile and boost your confidence, I know, I'm probably one of those super overbearing  and needy souls, but I don't mind right now, it made me laugh!! I am so very grateful for each piece of mail that arrives, snail mail is almost a thing of the past, but it's so fun and so amazing when you think that some body over there somewhere, took the time to pick out a card and pick up a pen and put thought and action into someone else day, pretty special!!

:) :) :) so fun!! sorta felt like I could float after this !!

March 23, 2019 today Glen and I had part of a day to ourselves, we went for breakfast then did some errands, felt like ages since we just had us time, I was feeling like a nap till we got home but it was a great day, this evening we were invited around the corner to our neighbors home for a delicious dinner at the Garmens in honor of Brandon's buddy Keith's birthday, it was a very enjoyable evening with great food and lotsa laughs. 

March 24, 2013 today I actually felt good enough bodily to venture to church with the family, emotionally/mentally I wasn't sure about it, something about crowds can feel a bit big and overwhelming, but we went for Sunday school and I made it through ok, was good to nap briefly this  afternoon. this evening Glen's brother Wayne and Joyce and family came for a visit, we had a lovely time catching up, family is a treasure!! 

well, I am finally caught up on all this, and it feels good, now hopefully I can remain in the right frame of mind and body and keep updating each week after treatment instead of trying to go back and fill in. blessings to all for your care and prayer and love and support, it truly is a wonderful feeling to know so many are carrying us through this!! until next time! GOD IS IN HER, SHE WILL NOT FALL!!