Monday, March 4, 2019

More Cancer Journaling and Worship Moments......

Good morning, it's 4 A.M. Monday March 4, 2019 I told my hubby last night I feel like I did when I was pregnant, either going to the bathroom or searching for that perfect morsel of food your craving, that apparently the world hasn't yet made, cause nothing is calling out to my hungry self saying, YES!!! you are just what my hollow steroid invaded body needs!! But, besides being extremely ravenous yet not really being enticed by much, I am feeling a bit quivery inside, not as in nauseous, just as in weak and wobbly, and a bit the same on the outside along with sweats and tired, but all in all it was a good weekend and I just tried to move little bits at a time and relax, praising God for no pain, or hemorrhoidal issues or anything all consuming at this point. the steroids also make sleep a bit of a challenge, so after going to the bathroom for the 5th time, (yes I counted) by 230 then laying there another 45 minutes wide awake, I decided to shower my bones and go in search of food and a nice cup of Spicy Chai Latte, thankyou Trader Joe, your warm delightful beverage hit the spot this early hour along with a onion cheese stuffed sausage and half a stale donut. side note, as annoying as the constant potty breaks are, in the day it gets me exercise and flushing, and in the middle of the night it means I'm still flushing out a lot of the med toxins etc. so I try to keep that in my head every time I got to uncurl from couch or dig out from my nightly nest, it's amazing how our mind works, if we can get it in our head that there's a reason and cause, we become more tolerable of annoyingly frustrating things, I've been trying to retrain myself to look at life more in this way than ever, it's a huge balm for the brain, to give it a boost towards positive and a swift boot to the negative, trust me, it's not an overnight fix and the negative is so ready to forge forward at the least little window of opportunity. If I'm not terribly out of my rest, I don't mind getting up early, before cancer, my day started between 430-5 so it has become a routine, I usually didn't have many quiet moments to myself though until Ava got on the bus at 620, normally I was getting my coffee and organizing her school clothes and bag and getting her breakfast in gear and water bottle ready then starting some breakfast for my men, but today due to weather she has a 2 hr. delay which id positively fabulous with me and I find myself loving these quiet moments alone. so, that was a long good morning just to get started than to reverse to my cancer journal update...….
January 31, 2019 I know, the earth and all that is in it needs rain and snow and positively gray and dreary and dull ugly days for things to grow and flourish and be sunshiny and green and alive by and by, but, I don't do gray, or dreary or dull...…. I am al about bold beautiful alive green lush happy sunshiny make me smile kind of life, and weather!!! but.....today....because of nasty weather like conditions, I am a bald happy gal, cause that means my dear husband had off work could take me for my 2nd chemo treatment and on a short date afterwards, so there is sunshine and roses through the gloom and raindrops at times!! we arrived safely and right on time, Glen said, lets have prayer before we go in, was so glad for that calming reassurance, once again I didn't realize how tense and slightly unnerved I actually was. The Dr. had told me after the first treatment that how I felt then should be the worst as far as side effects etc. so when she found out how well I was doing she was amazed and thrilled. yea, being a ginger, my body works on it's own set of rules and notions, so while it was great news then, only a week down the road everything turned, however, at that moment it was a miracle for us and we were basking in the fact that I had a good fairly uneventful two weeks from the first chemo dose to now, the 2nd!! Our visit at the dr. and my chemo infusions all went very well. our visit with the Dr. was positively astounding miraculous news!!! My blood pressure was perfect, my blood work was superb and the tumors are shrinking and responding well to the chemo, she was finding them smaller and harder to find and feel and its only been one intense treatment so far until todays dose!!!!! we were ecstatic and so in awe of God so very vividly going before us in this and so very grateful to everyone in our village, and tribe, and community and church and family and across the earth that has been holding us up and walking us through this!! we sat there in the infusion room filled with so much joy and peace and amazement and worship, we could absolutely feel God right there, it was so precious, still  makes me choke up just typing this all. it also makes me very aware how much I need to worship even when it's not sunshiny and it's bleak and life looks like it's a dead nothingness waiting to swallow me up!! My Henna art, I have been praying through this messy path to be a light for my Jesus however I can in this, to whomever I can, and my Henna art wasn't really what I would have thought would have triggered the open doors, I had two of my verses entwined into the design, more for my own reinforcement and needing to have God's word with me, but, the staff was so taken with it, and there was quite a few opportunities to explain what the verses said and meant to me and it touched my heart to see them with tears exclaiming how beautiful and precious that was and I got to share how much it meant that the one verse that became mine even before I came to their offices was then right there front and center in the reception area and I felt like it was God telling me that, yes, this is the right decision, this is where I need you at this time! I was so very thankful to have Glen with me to celebrate all these amazing God moments today, it just made it all more precious! I was also given the permission to enjoy 1-2 cups of coffee again each morning, as long as I still get in my 64oz or more of water, this would contribute to the earlier thoughts on the constant bathroom traipsing!! After we left the DR. we went and celebrated with a fabulous lunch at Duke's then did some furniture browsing for some decent working sofas, didn't really find much but enjoyed every moment together!!
I've never found a hospital gown anywhere that was a flattering fashion statement!! and pink!! I know, it's breast cancer's color, I don't care, still not a fan!! why not like happy lime green or cheery aqua or  something with smiley's or elephants or Hawaiian prints or.....I am thankful for these facilities and to be covered and for the fact that it's only temporary garb!! 


this is what the infusion room, or one angle of it looks like from my chair, or at least the spot I had that day, it's a gamble each visit as to what chair is open and which you will be assigned, unfortunately most days ALL the chairs around ALL 3 sides are mostly full.


my head was smoldering till I got to the Dr. this morning, so I left my beanie in the car, but, then in infusion room my chair was right under the air vent so Glen says wear my hat, I ready have it warmed up for you!! I was so grateful, he's my knight!!


one of my wonderfully capable beautiful chemo nurses. I am so taken aback every time I go, these nurses only have sunshine and smiles and will positively anything for us, that to me is beautiful, and makes me think of Jesus with skin, they see and deal with this ugliness every day and they still smile and treat us each as though there is no one more important in the world for them to care for no where they'd rather be!! 


ahhhhhh my handsome lunch date and biggest encourager and supporter, even though he can't be there every time!!

he was ravenous, and it did not disappoint!!
I was gonna write more on this one, but, I hear my men stirring for work, so am going to shut this down and pick up later with a new month and hopefully get it done so I can just update day by day or week by week rather than retracing my steps......good goals anyway.....this song I'll leave you with from my playlist......until later... GOD IS IN HER, SHE WILL NOT FALL!!

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