Cancer..........

I just wanna start out here by saying a giant heartfelt thank you to any and all of you that have dropped a note snail mail delivery, they are still some of my most favorite ways to get love, so fun to pop open that lid and hold a tiny piece of another’s heart they dared send my way!! And for those that have instant messaged me and emailed or texted, it all means so very very much!! And, yes, for those that called or tried to call and I wasn’t available and you braved leaving me a voicemail, that to was treasured, I am trying to do better at actually talking on the phone, even tho I literally hate it and all but hyperventilate doing it, I don’t know what the problem is but talking on the phone gives me a bit of anxiety, I think it has to do with I don’t hear well on a phone and feel like i’m Always asking the other victim to constantly repeat themselves and the fact that with cell phones I end up pacing the floors cause one cannot multitask when on a cell, anyhow, I promise i’m Doing better or trying to but seriously all the avenues of love and care and support and encouragement and help sent my way have been so very treasured and please please please no one think I don’t ever care or value it if I don’t answer back right away or at all. I am trying my absolute best to keep communication open with whoever reaches my way but i’ll Be honest some days the exhaustion runs high and the being on technology is limited, I want to be as engaged with the persons in my own four walls as much as possible and we are making an attempt to keep things as “normal” as possible for little miss Ava!
January 5, 2019 this morning I had a much needed massage appointment, after I was finished there I met Brandon, LaRonda and Ava for breakfast. We had a low key day and were thrilled to be brought supper by Rodney and Laura and family and get to spend the evening in the company of dear friends.
January 6, 2019 today we took in Sunday school then left to meet Brandon and LaRonda after their engagement photo session to have Miranda do a family photo shoot. We hadn’t gotten any done in Florida like we wanted to and now since all this with cancer going on I wanted a really nice family picture as more than likely I will be hairless for wedding pics and didn’t wanna risk casting a “glare” on all those special day pics!! When that was over we celebrated with lunch out with Brent and Miranda and the kids then came home and snoozed a bit before enjoying the company of my dear parents for the evening. Was good to have a day of family and memories, this week with all its appointments looks a bit daunting and makes me wish it was as easy to get away from as simply running in the opposite direction, but am trying to embrace hubby’s advice and just live in this particular moment and not look at the big picture.

January 7, 2019 today I took LaRonda and we went to a foot detox/spa and had a half hour of relaxation, it felt so amazing to just sit and be and feel a tiny bit pampered. Miriam came over from work for lunch, needed that little bit of bestie time for the boost of courage and love!!
January 8, 2019 this morning 2 of my valued tribe, Laura and Beth arrived to take me to my appointments. We started out with a bit of thrift storing than had a medical financial appointment in Harrisburg then from there we went and had a fabulous lunch of Chinese then on to have the ultrasound and biopsy of the lymph node with blood flow to it done. It was a long day but a was glad to knock two more things off the list in order to get started on treating this nasty disease. I came home to a gorgeous bouquet of orchids waiting for me from my Sara bear and her hubby Frank!! This gal was my first baby!! (Not by birth but by being gifted the privilege of caring for her) She was my world till I got married and then started my own family. Am so thankful for my friends and their offers to take me or go with to these appointments. Glen wishes he could go to all of them but then he may as well think about giving up his business, I told him we are blessed with dear true friends and family and I no where his heart is but I release him to take care of us through his work and being here for the kids while i get all this ugliness taken care of!

January 9, 2019 today was bone scan and cat scan in Carlisle, no eating or drinking from midnight on till all scans were done. Why is it that when your not to eat or drink those mornings you are famished and wonder how your gonna make it and any other morning besides a cup of coffee you can run on empty till lunch and not give it a second thought. Paula took me to these appointments and waited through them with me. First was getting IV and nuclear meds then was waiting two hours while drinking 2 bottles of strawberry flavored water containing a dye for contrast scans, finally when the 2 hours were up I had my cat scan then another injection of something and full body scan then back to waiting again until it was then time for bone scan, its a bit awkward and not very comfortable to lay on a hard movable tray like table only the width of a table board for any length of time but I managed and thanked God many times that I don’t suffer from claustrophobia as there was a lot of open space but also quite a few times that they would move pieces of the machine very close in around my face, they had giant rubber bands to keep my feet straight and together so I wouldn’t tire holding them still. It’s quite fascinating yet rather daunting to see ones entire body on a screen, and seeing your full skeletol form inside it’s flesh then there were dark areas and lighter ares and organ clumps and other innard masses and blobs and I have not the faintest clue how to read a bone scan but I do know my mind was wanting to run straight to paranoia and think all the what ifs over seeing little dark or highlighted spots, thankfully it was over before I got myself to worked up. After all that and the IV was removed and I was discharged Paula and I treated ourselves to a fabulous lunch and girl talk at Applebee’s.

January 10, 2013 today was meet with my Oncologist day! My dear soul sister Susan from Delaware, (my Sara bears dear mama) came up to take me and be my scribe and second set of ears! Dr. Theresa Lee, my Oncologist, what a wonderful woman, she put me at ease right from the start and was so very kind, she went over all the facts and details and answered patiently any and all questions thoroughly, she assured us that even though this journey will not be fun or easy and its nothing anyone wants to face it is in fact SURMOUNTABLE, because of it being triple negative that bumped it up to a stage 2 instead of 1 but she said it is a PERFECTLY CURABLE CANCER!!!!! She also shared the good news that my bone scan was clear and my cat scan was clear to except for a small spot on my one ovary they felt is just an ovarian cyst but want to a follow up internal ultrasound to be positive, i told her i have years of history with ovarian cysts and she then said that she feels even more sure then thats What that spot is. She also shared that the biopsy of the lymph node came back clear, so my day was immediately made more sunshiny!! She said the loss of ALL body hair is unavoidable especially due to the more intense treatment because of being triple negative. She said overall besides the cancer lump i am very healthy, so that was another nugget of encouragement!! I came home and a delish loaf of cinnamon bread and a gift of adult coloring book and colored pencils here along with a note from my cousin Charlene.

My appointment was at 12:30 and we didn’t leave until 4:30ish, after Dr. Lee was finished her Breast Care Nurse Navigator Stacy came in and went over treatment protocol and schedules and explained side affects and tips and helps and offered so much valuable info on all facets of this mess we find ourselves in. She was so soft spoken and kind and an absolute delight to be around, she gave me a giant leather like zippered folder for all my paper work and cards with numbers of the people ill need on call and calendar pages of treatment dates and times and med list and schedule. It honestly felt like a giant helping of dej a vu at one point cause a lot of the same goings on went down when Devin was diagnosed. After we left the Dr we went to a beautiful little Asian place for a bite to eat and to chew on all that we heard and tried to process the overload of info. Later when Susan got home she typed up all the notes and sent them to me that was extremely helpful in the processing and sharing with Glen later.  Susan stayed in a hotel in Shippensburg as she was taking me the next day for my Medi Port surgery procedure.

Well i must take a break, was hoping to be caught up, but will leave you with this song, i Amy be back later this eve....but until then.......#GOD IS IN HER, SHE WILL NOT FALL