May 20, 2019 I took Em to work and while there did some much needed grocery shopping. while in the freezer/fridge section Ava was bouncing around trying to stay warm while also begging for whatever caught her fancy. I saw an older white ponytailed bearded man watching her and glancing at me off and on, so as I got closer I said, excuse us sir, then, sorry, as I pulled her outta the way of slamming into his cart. He said, no, ma'am, she's just fine, but, may I ask, are you in treatment? I said, yes, actually I am, to which he replied, can I please say something too you in my own language?? I was like, uuummmm sure!! so He proceeded to rattle off something which he then explained was a Cherokee Blessing, and said, it means, No matter how hard, God is going to get you all the way through this!! I LOVED THAT!!!! He said, I know nothing about this path your on is easy, and I said, no, your right it's not, and he replys, but thankfully we have a God, someone higher we can turn to! I said, Amen, that makes all the difference. we exchanged a few more brief words and I said, I take it your a bit familiar with this path and he said yes unfortunately, I didn't get any more details than that as what I suspect was his grown son walked up just then, but he turned back to me briefly and asked, can I please have your first name so I can remember you in my prayers?? I gave it to him and thanked him for having the courage to reach out and bless me that it meant so much. I love God ordained meetings and moments like that, just when life feels beyond heavy, He gives us front and center signs of hope and encouragement!! I also got a lovely card and note from dear Lucy from church, she always has the loveliest words of encouragement, having been through this herself.
May 23, 2019 Today was My Beffy's turn to chauffer, we had a lovely time together and got lunch and did a few errands. we also met a lovely new gal there going through the same thing and her bouncy upbeat attitude and humor was so refreshing!! was so great to see someone else that was going through it fighting hard and not let it get the best of her!! My large digit on my left foot has been swollen heated and feels like it's been in a vice for days so I showed it to my nurse who said to another nurse come look and when they inspected it they saw a heart beat under the nail and said this needs attention so I was prescribed an antibiotic and sent to a podiatrist on my way home, who looked at it and said this needs to be opened and the nail removed and then numbed it and proceeded to hack off most of the nail, was absolutely not a fun experience but definitely made the pressure go away. I was told along with the antibiotic to soak in salt water and to put iodine on it.
Friday May 24, 2019 today my Paula took me to meet with the plastic surgeon about reconstruction when I have surgery in July. My hips and shin bones and knees have been quite painful and achy and that along with the rubbish toe made walking a bit weird and felt like I was lumbering along with a hitch in my giddy up but we got it done. wow, we always warn our daughters never to be sending anyone or even taking for that matter pics of themselves in their birthday suit never dreamt i'd have to have my own little photo shoot from the waist up for this whole procedure along with measurings and much talk of how all this will be and what size and how long the recovery and to shower or not to shower and the drain tube situation that goes along with it and on and on. it came away feeling in some ways a lot was cleared up and not quite as mountainous and other ways it all look's huge and long but we will get through it and don't have to dwell on it until the time arrives. When we left there we grabbed lunch did a bit of shopping then treated ourselves to smoothies begore heading home!!
May 16, 2019 Chemo #10 Laura my wonderful heart sister was my chauffer today!! Praise The Lord for great counts and tumor is very much gone and we're coming down the home stretch!!! Counts were good enough that I don't have to run for any more injections at this point. I do need to schedule for Ovarian surgery and Plastic surgery consult as well as a follow up echocardiogram. After treatment we treated ourselves to some amazing true Italian pizza and a few errands before heading home. It was a gorgeous day out and was sad to spend so much of it indoors but thankful to be in an infusion room with windowed walls!!
Got a sweet surprise in the mail from Cordell and Beth, the perfect book of encouragement and love!
my nails have been extra painful and oozy, makes doing any kind of activity excruciating, but, when I'm not sleeping I try to keep doing what I can around the house, though it doesn't usually feel like I accomplish that much, but, it's ok, it'll all be waiting for me to get to it when this is all over!!
May 18, 2019 after running Em to work I was almost home and I spotted this Bald Eagle sitting in a tree, I ran home for my camera and was able to get quite a few shots of it's majestic beauty, was thrilled to have spotted it and watched it a bit as it soared. this evening we got outta the house and went to Wayne and Miriam's for a pizza party. Was so refreshing to sit outside and enjoy the gorgeous weather and just relax with dear friends!
May 19, 2019 today after church we had a small cookout with Gary and Paula and Josie for lunch. Ava has been begging to go to the park with her bff, Josie and finally it was a day of sunshine and nothing else going, we had a short but splendid time just kicking back together!! In the evening we went a 30th Anniversary celebration for Glen's brother Gene and Voni, was great to honor them and be with family for a bit. A short thunderstorm came through and we were gifted a gorgeous double rainbow, I only got pics of one part but still was a beautiful reminder of hope and to keep pressing on!!
"YOU CAN'T CHOOSE YOUR SEASON, BUT YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR SONG"
One of my devotional sights had this thought the other day and I keep mulling over it, because it's so true, and because it brought me up short on the fact that to often if I'm not whining about my struggles, then I'm just silent, and instead of either of those I should be choosing worship and praise in spite of, but, the reality is, it is beyond hard to not only choose to sing, but when there is pain constantly at the for front of all movement and breathing, to choose to sing with a smile and with gratefulness, even if, because at the end of the day, I still have a voice, and breath, and have conquered with God's mercy and grace, yet another day, another day closer to the end of this battle, this season!!
May 9, 2019 Chemo treatment #9 Today my beautiful niece Kate was my chauffer. was very special to have a day together as it is a rare occasion just the 2 of us hang out. my counts were still a bit low so the Dr. wants the injections to continue. For some reason this time around about 45 minutes till the end of infusion I reacted to something and got intense low back pain, they kept an eye on it and when I stood to move around to go to the bathroom it lessened somewhat, but I was sent home with instructions to be tuned into it and if it would get worse or feel it's not leaving anytime soon I need to call in and consult with the Dr. Pretty much till I got home and rested a bit it went away. They have been putting cooling socks with ice packs on my feet also during infusion and that has helped tremendously with not only the neuropathy, but also with the restless twitchy legs during infusion!!
This evening was sharing sister night at church. Miranda and I went together, it's one time I am thankful for a bag of fresh steroids, there's usually no sleep in sight after a treatment, so I was still wide awake and able to take in the evening and enjoyed every minute of it. We had delicious soups and breads and Charcuterie boards of delightful bits of this and that!! The talk was on friendships and angels and answered prayers. This was the dessert board I signed up to take.
May 10, 2019 Today after work Em took me and I did a few errands than went for my injection. It was a massive down pour as we left Kohl's so she didn't feel comfortable driving so I did, I tell you chemo brain is definitely a thing, and driving is not the best thing for one with that affliction to do. she was planning to be my designated driver the entire trip but with the deluge of rain then the stop and go traffic on 81 her nerves and only 6 month driving left her feeling a bit quaky so I thought I could manage, thankfully those angels we heard about last evening are very real and present and probably keep us from harm and danger far oftener than we know, but, suddenly I was jolted awake to find myself crossed over the yellow lines on a curve on Steeltown road headed straight for the guide rails, there was a semi behind me but no one thankfully coming the other way and I was able to pull myself back together and continue home, very much wide awake at that point, though Em continued to doze. I had to admit that as hard as it is to rely on others who are busy and have a life this is why they say no driving is recommended, and to bring someone with you for that, made me extremely grateful all over again for my tribe, my lovely support group of willing chauffeurs and helpers!!
May 11, 2019 today we spent a good part of the day meandering through the Mother's day event I had hoped to set up at this year, there was lots of beautiful crafts and small businesses and yummy food. there was also lots of friends to catch up with and hang out with. After we left Glen took me to my cousins nursery and picked out a tree for mother's day for the front corner of the house, it was a beautiful native smoke tree.
May 12, 2019 Happy Mother's Day!!!!! Today my sister Angie had the whole family over for the day, we were hoping to get a family picture taken but it poured rain all day, but we still had a lovely time being together. I so enjoyed hanging out in the rocking chair just lovin' on my niece Sophia, I don't get to snuggle her as often as I'd like with my schedule and exhaustion so it felt good to eat her up a bit. Am so thankful to still have my mama for mother's day, it's almost 25 years since her brain aneurysm, and so thankful my sister Angie was able to host mother's day, it's going on 2 years since her brain aneurysm, and I'm beyond thankful to be mama to one married, one in heaven one about to drive solo and one about to graduate kindergarten, talk about livin' life on all spectrums!!
May 13, 2019 today was another injection day, and as tired as I am of the dreary rainy days, today I was very grateful, cause it brought my hubby home from work early and allowed him to take me for my appointment, while Brandon saw that Em got picked up from her Keystone exams and delivered to work and Ava was cared for till we got home.
May 14, 2019 today was a girls day for our tribe at Laura's, with movies and doughnuts and a delicious lunch and soaking up all being together for a rare few hours. we all decided it needs to happen oftener for the sake of all our sanities, what a tremendous blessing to have real heart friends in ones corner!!
So many storms blowing through here lately, so much rain!! I'm all about sitting on my front porch or patio and watching a spring storm send down some gentle showers and then the sun and the birds go crazy afterwards or take in a summer thunderstorm, but this continuing high wind and down pours every day can get a bit much, I feel a little needy of the sunshine's vitamin D and to much dreary and rainy sets in the blue mood fairly easily and quickly. But on the bright side, it looks like a jungly rain forest around here, I do love all the lush many shades of green!! And as in the storms we get faced with in life, they do pass, eventually and the sun returns again and makes us a bit more appreciative of it when it does!!
May 1-8, 2019 Ahhhhh finally, it worked out on both our ends and my Susan was able to get away for a visit!! We had such a lovely time catching up and then going for lunch and a tour through Chambersburg through her old college day stomping grounds and then ice cream!! It was such an absolutely delightful much needed day together!!
May 2, 2019 Chemo Treatment #8 My Miranda was my chauffer today, we had a lovely time together for the circumstances. Before we went in, she wrapped her arms around me and prayed so beautifully, was wondering later if she could tell I was a bit edgy, I feel like this whole thing will go on forever, but, amazing how the love and prayers from a dear friend can bring peace and calm! later, She so kindly took a drive across the highway and grabbed lunch and brought it up to the infusion room for us to eat together, afterwards we did a little shopping before heading home. These treatment days sure go easier when accompanied by besties to pass time with!! My blood counts were a bit low, so that means running back twice a week for Nuepogen shots.
May 3, 2019 I started going back to work till lunch time several mornings a week, I am usually pretty much ready for a nap when I'm done even though the work isn't that hard, but want to give it a try, maybe the being around people doing something normal will help keep the moods a bit more upbeat and not make the weeks feel so long. After work this morning I went home and had some lunch and rested a bit then took myself to the cancer center for my Nuepogen injection, it's probably not a great idea for me to drive myself, I can tell my nerves and alertness are not what they should be and the fighting to stay awake while behind the wheel isn't fun.
Monday the 6th was another injection day after work, am again so thankful for my besties that are close by and help out with all my crazy schedules, I took myself again for my injection while Laura saw that Em got to work and Ava had a place to stay till Glen got her on his way home from work!
Tuesday May 7 My Mary Ann found her way over the mountain and through the woods to my back patio for the day!! We started out with a run for groceries together to the local bent and dent then just soaked up the sunshine and catching up with each other, it was a fantabulous time as usual. Then Laura made an unexpectedly delightful stop by for a brief visit and to deliver some delicious pretzel sandwiches.
I was surprised with 2 gift deliveries this week also, a scentsy wiff box from my cousin Betsy which was an absolute delight, some of the products were totally new to me and it all smelled amazing, was so very special and thoughtful. And my dear friend Anna from church delivered some yummy smelling bath soak and chocolates, so perfectly comforting!!
this week the side affects seemed extra rough, maybe it's because of low counts and not being able to fight it off quite as good cause the immune system is struggling to stay on top to I don't know, but, the neuropathy in my hands and feet were pretty intense and the oozing nails were extremely painful, didn't really want to do much for fear of bumping them no matter what I did. I also developed a weird skin twitchiness around my eye, it's like a nerve gone wild and is highly annoying to be constantly on the twitch along with a semi numb-ish face back by my ears and top lip and an unexpected crop of hair along my jawline and chin, like, what? did you not get the memo the rest of my hair all said goodbye, so why are you suddenly making an appearance where you aren't even supposed to be?? But.....then I remind myself, I still have so much to be thankful for despite these annoying pains and inconveniences, and, through all these treatments so far I've never had to miss one as of yet because of to low of counts or sickness, and, well, this to shall pass!!
GOD IS IN HER, SHE WILL NOT FAIL!!
Letting go..... I think this is one of the biggest and scariest and most frustrating thoughts to face in life, but also feeling like God is trying to get me to be ok with that very idea and totally trust He has it figured out and roll with life!! I feel like I've had to give up and let go of everything big, small and in between since December. I've had to release everything from insignificant to grand scale, and it has been super hard and at times annoying, and sometimes the anger over it all wants to rise up and rule. And even writing this and saying it out loud feels like I'm whining or having a pity party or being super selfish and that is not at all what I want to do or portray, but just venting my heart and being real. A Cancer Diagnosis and the dealing with the outcome and treatment of it takes over and becomes front and center of every waking moment and decision. one can't make plans far in advance or if one does, one must always tack on the end of the commitment, providing I feel good enough and have the energy. It was hard to give up a family trip west to have the wedding around here, I've dreamed of it for years, but, was so happy to be at my sons wedding and their insistence it be held locally instead, though I know it wasn't what was planned either, or even heartily supported by some. I feel like I've had to miss out on so much of Ava's kindergarten year cause, I'm sorry, Honey, but, mommy has treatment or injections or...…. I was looking forward to setting up a baked food stand at a local mother's day event but finally faced reality that it wasn't gonna happen, the energy level was at a very low and the painful oozing finger nails wouldn't allow the work to get done even if. Then there's spring and summer soon coming and camping season, and I kept thinking about if it wasn't for me the family would have a couple campings under our belt for the year already. And just the daily movings about and doings in a day, a week, and all that I miss doing or don't have the stamina for and am instead found sleeping on the couch. Emily has been a huge help, but I feel like I've had to ask her to shoulder more than she should have to, and re-arrange her schedule far to often. I feel like I've had to let go of the very person I've become and was created and try and learn to be ok with a whole new me, a whole new body and look and shape. Breast Cancer victims, To beat this we must give up all manner of ones hair and womanliness and body parts inside and out, along with any shred of privacy and dignity we thought we may have been holding dear and sacred. And a Brazilian wax, I never even entertained the thought or dreamed of one day acquiring one, well, it was gifted without my consent at the pretty price of chemo versus cancer along with eyebrows and eyelashes and nose and ear filters!! I Am trying so hard to learn and practice being a Paul, and, IN WHATSOEVER STATE I AM TO BE CONTENT!! I find it is my front and center battlefield EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! I find myself fretting often, will I ever be able to walk up the stairs again without stopping halfway because I'm out of breath and my knees are hurting and aching? Will I one day again walk to the end of the lane to get Ava off the bus, and not feel like collapsing in a shaky legged heap? Will I be able to pick up something from the counter or tie a shoe without my finger tips and nails feeling tortured and leaking? Will I know what it's like to walk without my feet feeling numb and tingly or my toe nails feeling squeezed and oozy?? Will I be able to blow my nose without it bleeding EVERY SINGLE TIME?? Will I be able to go to the bathroom without feeling like I have a UTI?? will I be able to snuggle my niece while she sleeps without my arms getting sore and shaky?? My friend Beth told me something one day that hasn't left my thoughts and I try and envision myself in my pink boxing gloves taking center stage and battling on cause this is in fact only a season, she said, "the comedian/pastor, Mark Lowry, says, his favorite Bible verse is.....AND IT CAME TO PASS" that's it, not the rest of the verse, whichever verse it was, but just that!! it took me two seconds, then I was like, oooooohhhh I get it, and, I like it, no, I love it!! and I'm gonna steal it!!! Another words, for those that might need more than 2 seconds :) It came, to pass.....It Came, but, it's not staying, it's gonna pass!! It came, I have to deal with it, buut, it's gonna pass, not be here forever, only a season, maybe an eternally long feeling season some days, but, still, a passing season!! So, I know, not extremely profound, and something I should have been able to figure out, and yet absolutely profound and rather comforting, even if I do still have to wake each day and reiterate that thought every hour, with boxing gloves in place, look out you ugly cancer beast, YOU CAME, TO PASS, YOU ARE NOT STAYING, NOT ON MY WATCH!! GOD IS IN ME, YOU, CANCER, WILL FALL, I WILL NOT FALL!
April 22-30, 2019 this week I crashed, wedding is over, house is empty, no details and prep work to do, I crashed, on my couch, for days!! Could not get enough sleep or find enough energy to do much else. between running on adrenaline working towards the wedding and the fact that I was told this treatment can be accumulative and catch up with ones body about half way I wasn't totally surprised I felt as unmotivated and motionless as I did, I was mostly just fine sitting or sleeping and when I did think of all that awaited me in my house to clean or wash or organize, I kept telling myself that tomorrow or next week or next month or even year it would all still be there waiting my attention. None of it was that important to stress over, we live here, it'll get messy and disorganized and it's ok, it means there is life here and loved ones in and out!!
Thursday April 25, 2019 treatment #7 My dear Beth was my chauffer and side kick today. We were blessed with a gorgeous rainbow as we made our way to the cancer center, a great reminder we are not alone and there is hope and strength to keep moving on. My pic of it out a moving car window doesn't do it justice, but still had to try!
Snail mail felt extra special and needed this week, the dark and depressing wanted to crowd in and run rampant pretty quick. And I even had a few voicemails, one from dear Lucy from church and another from my dear Aunt RuthAnne, both filled with love and prayers and strong words of life and encouragement, that means ever so much and is so very comforting and I'm grateful every time someone leaves a message rather than hanging up at the beep, I'm not a phone conversationalist, but, that long with trying to live more in the moment and my surroundings rather than be attached to my phone I don't always get the calls. was also glad for a family ladies day at my nieces place just for fun, it's been a long time since we did that!!
April 15-21, 2019 And, it's wedding week!!! And, birthday week for the bride!! Her mama and I got our nails done Tuesday morning than met up with the bride and groom and a few family and friends at Brussel's, a favorite French waffle and creperie bistro in downtown Chambersburg to celebrate the bride's 20th birthday. afterwards we went our various ways to continue on with wedding prep here and there.
Later on in the evening I picked up Laura and we went to Beth's where she so kindly provided a place and a delicious dinner for us while our 13 year old friend and henna artist worked her magic on my head for the wedding. I decided rather than spontaneously combusting from over heating with some kind of funky hat or scratchy over priced wig I'd just have her use her gift and apply a lacy veiled artwork to my bald pate stead of the glaring bald. She again did an amazing job, and it only took 4 hours :) but the time was well spent with my peeps and it was so worth it!! Laura gave me my own tiny pair of pink boxing gloves and words of encouragement to stay strong and fight on. Every word of encouragement is needed and very comforting and helpful, when one is fighting the cancer battle there is a lot of hidden aches and pains and side affects that those around can't see and the one going through it can't always explain, but, so often there is pain, not always intense, but, pain, at the for front of every waking moment, and the exhaustion is laying right there ready to pop up and do ya in.
The middle of the week Beth, Miranda, and Paula gave me a hand at starting to set up the rehearsal facility and last minute supply shopping for that. Am so grateful for dear neighbor and friend Wilma, for offering and allowing us to use their carriage house to host the rehearsal, it was the perfect place with everything right there that we needed. It's such a tremendous blessing to have dear friends on all fronts willing to step up help out and have ones back, a wedding is no small fete when healthy, but without willing hands it would have looked pretty mountainous really quickly. Dear Miranda delivered a fresh bouquet of gorgeous tulips to brighten my house and my spirits!!
Thursday April 18, 2019 Treatment #6 ooooo-OH we're halfway there, ooooo-OH livin on a prayer... today marks the halfway point of this treatment regimen, and dear Roseanna a longtime friend was my chauffer and sidekick for the day! We had a good day and even got to witness 2 fellow cancer ladies ring the bell and celebrate their last treatment day!!! was so encouraging to see them upright, mobile and still with fight left in them after going through a cancer nightmare!! It was just the medicine I needed to readjust my sails and determine to keep going!! I came home to a delicious pan of iced breakfast rolls waiting from a church friend Steph, pure comfort in every bite!!
And...…..the rest of the week was spent on rehearsal and wedding celebrations, it was a beautiful day with a beautiful wedding and marriage of two beautiful special people!!!! I was so relieved and grateful to come home from rehearsal to find my dishes done and kitchen cleaned up by dear friend Jo and friends Evelyn and Brenda, thanks, you gals, it was such a help and meant so much!! I kept myself moving and doing and going but till the wedding was over and the weekend was winding down I was beginning to flag a bit. after the wedding Glen's brother Dave and Anna Mae and Jo and Bob Beachy came and spent some time at the house, was good to catch up with both as we don't get to see either one very often with the miles between us. Anna Mae gifted me a beautiful plaque with the very encouraging verse of Proverbs 31:25 I love it and hung it where I can be reminded to keep on every day!!
On Sunday Bob's came back to spend most of the day here and my sister Angie and her family did too. Bob and Jo and Glen and I took a drive up the mountain before lunch and the rest of the day we sat and relaxed, felt great to just be for awhile.
April 8, 2019...….Watching 2 young kids in love and seeing them work together towards a life together is beautifully sweet, entailed with a lot of chaos and details and schedules and decisions. This week was spent doing wedding food prep and reception details. I helped where I could and kept up with meals and more Dr. appointments. Was thankful all over again for a tribe that was ready and waiting to give me a hand with getting a jumpstart on Rehearsal meal allowing the bride and her family to focus on other details. I would start the day ready to tear into all kinds of stuff and would soon find myself staying upright and mobile but with little energy and motivation, so tried to just be ok with doing what I could, being quietly supportive, and thankful for all the extra hands of family and friends to keep things rolling.
April 11, 2019...….Chemo treatment #5 today my dear friend Julia brought me a delicious Starbucks beverage and toted me to my appointment. one thing about having to spend hours in a doctors office and infusion room it leaves lots of great moments to catch up whoever is brave and willing to be your side kick that day, and trust me we had a lot of laughs and catchup time, it was fabulous in spite of the reason for having to be there at all. Nurse Stacy was so impressed with how well I was doing and how my counts and bloodwork looked and thought it quite miraculous with all we have going on at home, she said, girl, you need a super woman cape, that's a lot for a healthy mama to take on let alone one that's fighting cancer on top of all the extra wedding, and kindergarten and soccer and licensing 16year old stuff and just normal life duties!!!! I told her I'd pass on the cape and be grateful to remain upright and mobile, with minimal side effects and no pain and extreme exhaustion to see my son get married!!
Friday, April 12, 2019..... my day was planned, finally a long over due catch up date with my Susan, seems like forever since we were in each other’s presence and was so looking forward to hashing life and soaking up moments, we both have been dealing with a rearrangement of our lives due to health stuff and the times to catch up are few and way to far between, but we both understand that it is indeed life and try and roll with the madness while still having each other’s backs. Well, good morning miss Ava.....wait, not so good a morning, and not going to school after all, sore throat, earache, head ache and curling up in many fuzzy blankets and going back to bed was the only thing on her agenda, so, again, life hits and my plans scrapped and the day rearranged, but, it’s ok, mostly, little miss needs mama and meds and snuggles. So I get her settled and do some odds and ends around the house and then remember I need to pick up an order from my sister across the way and furniture delivery is this afternoon and still a couple odds and ends to wrap up before the weekend and bridal shower etc. so after a few hours with Ava and making sure she’s comfy and not needy or in pain anymore, I leave Em in charge and go do errands. En-route to my first stop I decide I should wash the car so zip down a side street only to find the car wash is out of service, so then figure well I guess I'll just keep going on this street and be on my way. I come to the stop sign and this little slightly hunched toddly white haired granny peers through the windshield oddly at me as she steps off the sidewalk in front of me and proceeds to slowly amble her way across intersection staring at me the whole time and then came around to my window. I warily rolled down the window to hear her asking if by any chance I'm Going by Saylor’s market, she needs a ride to the little convenient store right past there to catch the county transportation bus, I apologized and said no I'm Not going that way, so she thanked me and went back to her post at the stop sign. As I drove off I looked in my rear view and saw her step off the curb to approach the next victim and thot, hello, Janette, you may not be going that way but really would it harm you to drive a mile there and bless her and then retrace a mile knowing she made it safely, I mean you have a plethora of people blessing you these days and helping in many and varied amazingly wonderful ways, surely you could pass on the good deed!! So after I held a convincing dialogue in my own noggin I didn’t let myself talk myself out of it and impulsively turned down the next street and made a block back to where she was again inquiring of a random vehicle with no success, so I again opened my window and yelled, ma’am I can’t wait there to return you back here but I can at least take you there safely before I move on with my day, none of my stuff has an appointment time, just odd stuff needing my attention. She crawled in the passenger side and was ever so grateful and proceeded to tell me all about how her grandson took her to NY/NJ recently to a wrestling game of her favorite wrestler she’s dreamed of seeing in real life for a very long time and how afterwards there was 38,000 people standing in the rain waiting for the subway. That was the extent of our time together, I dropped her at the mini mart, and after thanking me many times over, she slowly and shakily removed her bent and wrinkled form from my car and we bade one another goodbye and continued on with our day. That will probably be the only time our paths ever cross, and does it even matter?? I don’t know, and probably will never need to know, but one thing I am learning more and more is that our lives truly are not our own and everything is finely tuned and orchestrated by God, and that it is all for a bigger purpose and creation of something more amazing and beautiful then we could ever fathom, and there will more than likely be most times that we wont even see or understand it at the time or maybe even in this life time, but after going on my way, I made my first stop at Wally World for a few things then decided while I’m there I’m gonna run into T.J. For a few things, and as I rounded an isle I looked up and there to my surprise was my dear Auntie Lois minding her own business, so I said, hey, I know youuuuu!!!! 😋 and her head pops up and we both laugh crazily and exchange hugs then stood there for a nice long chat, it was so special and such a fun surprise and day brightener!! Then on my way home I stopped at my sisters for my food stuff and then headed home to furniture delivery. As I thought about my day later and how sad I was to scrap my original plans I thot about how if that wouldn’t have fallen through and if I wouldn’t have been detained by a street wondering frail lil old lady, Auntie and I more than likely wouldn’t have been at the same place at the same time, and could we have both finished out the week and been blessed and happy, absolutely, but it sure was good to share a few moments of life stuff and encourage each other on. So in mulling over this whole idea of how to roll with life and be ok to adapt and embrace and live in the moment no matter what, I've Become more determined than ever since then to be ok with rearrangements and embrace them looking for the good and the sunshine moments and ways to bless someone else or help them on there way or through their day.
April 13, 2019.....today was a do only what needed done type of day and catch up on rest and odds and ends. This evening Glen and I got away briefly for a dinner out and ice-cream at the Igloo double date with Wayne and Miriam, was great to forget about chemo and food prep and wedding details for just a bit!!
Sunday April 14, 2019....Today was bridal shower day, so exciting to see the stuff given to start a new life together and set up house with. It's all becoming very real and coming down to the wire!!
I must Close this for now and go take care of daily life stuff, or as much as my numb cold toes and drippy throbbing fingers will allow, one thing about a cancer diagnosis and treatment is, there are so very many odd grievances and hurts on appendages etc. that we take for granted will just work and co-operate that when they don't it's miserable and debilitating. I keep telling myself it's just for a season...….some days.....the season feels eternal.
I was so beyond determined once I got caught up on this to not let it get behind!! well, treatments and sleep and wedding and sleep and sleep and sleep and did I mention sleep??!! every time I thought I may have a few moments to grab and so needed to write, I'd sit down and literally have no energy to lift the laptop to my lap let alone type and then the yawns would start and I'd find myself just giving into the curling up and sleeping, I couldn't get enough, so I shoved aside the need to write and gave into snoozing, plus my fingers hurt, they all felt like they were in a vice and the contents under pressure and a few were even oozing out liquids under the nails, not a pleasant feeling by any means!! and in the middle of all this there was a wedding celebration to prepare for and family from Montana arriving and life coming and going in a whirlwind. but I will attempt to catch up on all that's been going on since my last post, I just may have to do it in bits and pieces and between more zzzzzzzzzz's!!!!! still haven't quite caught up on them either, doesn't take much activity and only 1 late night or fresh batch of steroid induced wide awake-ness and the exhaustion hits and is a bugger at letting up!!
April 3, 2019 Glen, dear man, said, this year we are going to see the cherry blossoms in D.C. we talk about every year and we never do it so if your up to walking and taking our time today is the day!! this was huge, my hubby does not do traffic, cities or crowds!!! we got up super early and got the first train from Shady Grove, another newish experience, we did it one other time with knowledgeable friends, we made out pretty good on our own although to most around us I'm sure we screamed backwoods newbies, but, we didn't care, we were letting go and having a long over due fun day date together. it was a ton of walking, and a boatload of humans to navigate, most times we could have easily felt like we were the USA outsiders visiting China, there was a lot of Asians, but, Cherry Blossoms is their thing, so was kinda understandable. It was so fun to not have an agenda and just meander our way around the many blossoms and memorials and history of our nation. we ended the day with supper out and aching legs, but it was such a lovely day!!!
here's just a few of the many snapshots I took, I could have stayed and snapped all day, it was gorgeous, and to watch the sun come up and the world of beauty come alive with it was awesome!!April 4, 2019 Treatment #4 It's always a great day when I get to spend it with my brother Mar! He was my chauffer and company keeper and lunch date today, he arrived with my favorite Chai drink from sheetz for a great wake me upper and drive down. My exam was perfect!! My bloodwork was too!! Am so thankful for these miraculously good reports!!!
this week ended with Emily going with the youth to serve as cooks for the EBI bible school in Indiana, and the start of the brides Montana family and friends arriving to start the ending of all the fine tuning of wedding details and prep work. Ava also had a day out with dear friends and their kids/grandkids to see Disney on Ice. Amanda and Marge Jones, dear ladies, took the kids and made it memorable for them, Ava was so excited and animated over it all and couldn't get done talking about it and dancing her way through the house! thankyou again, Marge and Amanda for making a little girls day, or month, it was o sweet of you to include her and give her some fun, I feel sometimes through this whole cancer mess she gets pushed aside and I hate that, so this was so nice for her, and made mama feel like she was still having a bit of normal and fun amidst the chaos!!
my sister Angie and family and nephew Brad and his dear little daughter ended our Sunday with a visit. it was so special to have them come by, seems like forever since we had been with them so it was great to catch up again.
well I must end this and get some breakfast before work...…..to be continued in the next one......until then, blessings on you all.....GOD IS IN HER, SHE WILL NOT FALL!!
